Hi. I am Lydia, happy owner of Eerie Silence. Here's a little about me.
I absolutely love God, life, music, food and the camera, but really the people that are involved in my life. This is my personal photo journal in which I want you to feel. With entries that are heart felt. The ones that draw more than just my memory back at a moment. My goal is to create an environment where this is possible.
For me there is something fulfilling about taking photographs and falling completely in love with it and the memories it creates. With that being said, photography is crazy important to me, and if for you too, then we're totally going to be a great fit!
Submissions and Answers: Part II
I Heart my Outfit of the Day
Contact Form Submissions: Part I
Long Post of Birthday Gifts
Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag!
For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic
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Break The Cycle
I decided to get up and welcome change into my life. I left things and people that weren't necessarily nice and respectful to me behind and I stopped doing things I knew weren't good for me. I didn't care because I did it for me. For once I stopped worrying about everyone else's happiness so much and worrying about who matters, me. Now I have such unity with my family, specially my mom. Around this very same time last year I was planning on running away from my home because we had such a terrible relationship. I was blind to see I caused much of it. After I did left her home I called her crying because I was able to realize and I made sure I apologized. She forgave me. I didn't really ran away. I just moved. I made sure I let her know. I have never been a terrible daughter and she always reminds me of how great I am. It makes me very happy. My mom's opinion would be the only one I would probably care about when it comes to judging who I am. I'm back with my mom. I help her around with lots of things and she's happy to have her daughter back with her.
Depression came to me when I lost my father in the hot month of July in 2005. I hadn't realized it. It rushed on to me like that sudden and unexpected cold breeze. I will not get into much more personal descriptions because this is supposed to reflect more on my positive attitudes but just know it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with my whole entire life. At 15 I lost my father. At 15 I fought through it alone and no one understood my mood change and attitude. Why I wasn't getting up to go to school. No one asked me if I was ok. Depression was my best friend since then. It lived in me to remind me all the time of my most pathetic moments in life. Reminding me how I can't remember the last time I saw my father but how I could actually remember our last conversation where he was telling me he loves me and I didn't reply back but gave him an attitude over something stupid.
With time we grow, so I did and depression would always keep me company when I was alone. I never forgot about God because I could always feel He was with me. He knew I had to go through all that was coming to help me grow like I am now at 24. More people I let into my life and their problems too. Then I grew this self image insecurity issue. My second battle with depression. It had me where it wanted me. I would see such an ugly distortion in the mirror all the time when I would try to see me. I would cry and I hated my physical appearance until recently. It was hard to believe the rain of compliments I would always get. I knew it was wrong to feel so ugly but I couldn't help it. Comparison was always something I used to do. I felt so small in all possible ways compare to other women. To shorten it all, depression made me think I was ugly outside and inside too. I had no reason to think I was a bad person but I wouldn't stop saying it to me and those closest to me. I felt stupid but I couldn't stop thinking so. Every big thing I might have accomplished seamed like nothing. Every time I would create something looked stupid and wrong.
Fast forwarding to now, I let go of everything and everyone I thought were helping me back then but they were just adding more to depression. I do not, I repeat, I do not tolerate any type of abusive relationship and I am much too proud to stay in a place that offers such behavior. If it's not deserving or even if it's thought it is, you should not go throughout it. You should not deliver it neither. It shouldn't exist. People are supposed to help one another and make it through. I stand against abusive relationships, physically and verbally. I don't tolerate bullying of any form. I strongly encourage you to walk away and save yourself the trouble and damage it brings and ask for help. Don't feel sorry for anyone but yourself. Stress and problems shouldn't be an excuse for such abuse.
Now I'm free. I'm happy. I'm so happy. I never thought I could ever feel and hear me saying that I am happy. I can't believe it! I'm getting so much done for myself and my future and I've met a group of wonderful people who I see often and we get together to celebrate holidays, birthdays and get-togethers were we all enjoy a good and safe time. I go out a lot more and I've made a new best friend whom I'm still getting to know but I already adore very much. Easy to adore because he's been helping me with so much and always makes sure I'm doing my best. If not he would try to change it. We go out and we share so much. It's different. It's fresh. I like it here. I will have a post introducing him eventually. I talked to my new friends about my old habits and issues with depression and they were very understanding. They are very happy about my change. I also go to church regularly and I'm very happy with my experiences and all the wonderful wonders God has done in me. I sing in public and everyone loves my singing. I'm able to see how beautiful I am and not only because of my physical appearance. I think people with ugly personalities should not be allow to have a beautiful and perfect smile, great body, beautiful hair and sparkling eyes. It would make life easier, but their ugly personalities don't match their appearance for a reason.
If you're dealing with depression feel free to send me a message. I'm here for you. I have lots of friends I had met through my blog at Tumblr who after I opened up about depression supplied me with their help. I want to do the same. I'm in a better place and would love for you to be there too. Above is a paragraph of my new life when before I used to just be in my room all the time before with depression.
I want to give this website a new look soon! It's just too cold to go out and have a little photo shoot of myself like I want it. I want to try my best to blog more. I do so much and enjoy myself so much and it gets to me I don't blog about it! >.<) I will also try to blog about personal thoughts at my Tumblr too eventually. I want to get into writing publicly again. That's how I met most of my favorite people. You guys know who you are. If you read this whole thing I thank you really. It just gave you a little more to know about me. Never judge anyone. You're never really alone.
Disa Chantel said on December 3, 2013 at 10:16 AM
This is so beautiful, Lydia. I'm glad to hear you've left all the negativity behind and are moving forward. I literally got super excited when I saw your update pop up in my reading list... yay for more posting! :)
Lydia said on December 3, 2013 at 10:27 AM
Hello, Disa! Thank you for your positive response towards my changes and me writing a post. It makes me happy to know there's someone in the world expecting an update from me. Thanks for your support!!! I can't promise much but I will try to update a lot more.