Hi. I am Lydia, happy owner of Eerie Silence. Here's a little about me.
I absolutely love God, life, music, food and the camera, but really the people that are involved in my life. This is my personal photo journal in which I want you to feel. With entries that are heart felt. The ones that draw more than just my memory back at a moment. My goal is to create an environment where this is possible.
For me there is something fulfilling about taking photographs and falling completely in love with it and the memories it creates. With that being said, photography is crazy important to me, and if for you too, then we're totally going to be a great fit!
Colorful Five Layer Cake
We Await Her Eagerly
This is a pregnancy announcement post
Fringe Bangs For Fall
Wait! Don't Forget To Make A Wish!
More Of You And Me
Bones And Skin
Throwback To Number Eleven
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It's taken me long to find the proper words to start typing. Truth is I am still overwhelmed by this beautiful and scary moment in my life, our lives. I want to share here on my blog the day my daughter Raiden (RYE-Den) was born and just type in as much as I can think of so I can look back and read and cry and so can she once she's old enough. I don't want to forget it. Although I know I won't.
On June 1, 2015 I had one last check up at this small clinic where I had been receiving my prenatal care. But before heading to that clinic they sent me to this hospital where they monitored Raiden's heartbeat and I wasn't feeling anything but I was surprised to hear I was having contractions, according to the nurse monitoring us. She said "Oh! That was a big one! Did you feel it?" I was surprised and nodded. I was there for about an hour just monitoring us. All that because I was passed my due date, which was May 27, 2015. After that something me and my partner were dying for happen, they did an ultrasound and we saw how huge Raiden had gotten since the last time I got an ultrasound done which I was only 23 weeks back in February. I was told Raiden had a very long back. I saw her full lips and the cute shape of her eyes clearly. Stubborn as always she started kicking. We were happy to find out all these new things about her. Everything was going great with her development. Later we went to the clinic and as usual all was going great with my pregnancy but I received some disappointing news. I was told that the following Thursday being June 4th, 2015 they would induce my labor if nothing would happen, referring to the baby not coming on her own. An appointment then was set for June 4th at 4:30PM I was super sad because it's not what I wanted being my first pregnancy but also because they would send me to this hospital I did not wanted to have my baby at. Later I head home with my partner. I took a shower and after a while we started watching "The Professional" on Netflix. In the middle of the movie I was starting to feel what I can only describe as odd. There was something unusual. Now don't think you would read about how my water broke all dramatically because that didn't happen and it's something that mostly happens in movies. After the odd feeling a small pain that would come and go started. I was then unsure if this is what contractions should feel like because I never felt such thing. I told my partner and he got worried right away but I insisted we continued on watching the movie since it felt minor and I was ok. As the minutes went by the pain became closer together. They were still minor but have become somewhat uncomfortable. I then started to suspect these were in fact contractions but didn't want to accept it because I could talk trough them and walk. We finished the movie and fell asleep, me still having contractions. All that started around 11:00pm.
I was awaken by stronger pains that were even closer together. I could still walk through them and talk but when they would be happening I would stop what I was doing, I then began accepting that I was in fact having contractions. Being very well informed I let my partner sleep in as I got ready and waited for the contractions to be stronger where I couldn't' handle them much. It was now after one in the morning. Hours passed and the pain was only gaining strength. It was after 3 in the morning that I called mom and let her know that the baby was coming. After calling mom I called my cousin and her husband who offered to drive us to the hospital. By the time I got in the car the contractions were strong enough to stop me in a middle of a sentence. Once in the hospital, I was rushed in a wheel chair and I then started realizing what this meant. It felt surreal from here on. It was like a movie. A movie where I was the protagonist. At this point it was silly to ask myself what I have been asking myself throughout the whole pregnancy, am I really pregnant? While having a huge belly and an moving baby. At all of this I couldn't feel her move. I knew that would happen with the contractions.
While on the wheel chair a nurse, he told me "well, it looks like you might be having this baby today". While in pain couldn't really process that. "What?!" A lady nurse rushed me to the elevator, then acting so casual while I am here complaining of pain. Why did I expect for people to look worried to see me in pain? It is not them who are going thorough it. They see this kind of thing everyday several times! She asks "is it the first one?" I then smile and say yes. The contractions were apart so I wasn't having pain then. She then asks if mom was the grandmother and we, my partner mom and I say "yes". I add "she's is so excited for this baby being her first grandchild". She finishes off with "I bet! Congratulations!" With a loud bell indicating we reached our floor the door open and I am now in this room with my boyfriend where I was asked to take my clothes off and put on the hospital gown. It was now 4am. I didn't know that it was after that I was going to be with a hospital rope thingy for so many hours. I was asked so many questions. Same questions over and over again. I kept hearing how I was making their job easier since I am so healthy. They would laugh but by now, the pain was getting more intense I found nothing funny at this time. It was in that room where after checking how dilated I was that I received my confirmation in the following words and huge eyes "We are having a baby today!" I was so happy, nervous, relieved, in pain... I quickly looked at my boyfriend who's been so supportive through the little I had been through so far, helping me as I changed clothes, folding them and putting them in my bag. Grabbing me by my hand as I was having contractions and guiding me to where I was supposed to lay and was told we where having our baby girl today.
From that little room they once again pushed me in that little chair to where I would be delivering our baby. Contractions where strong but I could still talk because they were far apart. I was put IV fluids which I never had in my life and always wondered what it would feel like that have that needle in your arm for hours. You don't really feel it. You even forget it's there. Specially during labor. It is the least thing you feel. Now I see the sun coming out through this huge window in my room, in a rainy day. There's me in my labor bed, mom, my sister and my partner all who would be going through this with me. Hours passed and now being around 12pm is when my contractions are so strong and so bad that I completely stopped talking to my family. At all of this I still haven't broke water. They kept checking on me but it looked like it wasn't still time to give birth to my baby. I still wasn't dilated. God all this pain! I had decided I wasn't getting an epidural. I didn't want to numb this, while painful it is beautiful to me. I knew I was strong enough to handle it. They kept trying to push me to have it. I kept saying no! They kept offering different medications to calm the pain and contractions. No, no no! I want non of that. They were rather surprised because I looked miserable in pain.
Close to being fully dilated I was told that my stubborn baby was sideways and that it would be either impossible or very hard to deliver her vaginally. That if after a certain time she wouldn't accommodate herself I was going to have a cesarean. I didn't know how strong my faith was until they told me this. I kept telling them in between contractions that wasn't going to be necessary. I know they didn't believe me. They kept offering medication to numb this I wanted to feel. No. And because of that is that I can remember it all so well. Now my baby wasn't only sideways but she was high up instead of down low. I couldn't believe my baby really seem like she didn't want to come out. I kept firm believing a cesarean section wasn't going to be necessary and medication, a epidural, nah! A couple more hours passed and now I can't open my eyes because of the pain I had. I had my mom on one side and my partner on the other who never left it. He was holding me, I was soaked in sweat, I was so thirsty he kept putting ice in my mouth and it was so soothing.
Now my vision was like a film fading to black because of how heavy my eyelids became and how heavy my eyeballs would feel as I tried to look between mom and my partner. After being asked something my responses where late and I didn't noticed this until my boyfriend told me later on. He said I was even speaking Spanglish to everyone. Now is when my body seems ready to push the baby out because naturally I felt the urge to push. I did this for a couple of hours and felt so pointless at one time because I was putting my all and she wasn't coming out. I received comfort from the doctors and nurses who told me I was pushing the way I was supposed to but it was my baby who's not helping me. They kept telling me what a good job I was doing and they meant it. It felt like an eternity. In advance I can tell you labor was 12 intense painful hours. In between pushing with contractions the nurses and doctors would tell me to stop pushing for a little bit because I would wear myself out. I knew that wasn't the case. I kept pushing and not once listened to them. I remember seeing how amazed they were. I overhear them talking about me, saying "wow she keeps pushing!" I am stronger than I thought. Now I know that. I knew I was strong but now I have confirmation.
Now labor time starts forreal forreal, where the baby needs to come out. The room packed with nurses, doctors and specialists, it was overwhelming. All looking at me and down there, some waiting for my baby girl to come out to clean her up and check her out. I would be descriptive with how hard it was while pushing this baby. Surreal! But I won't I will tell you that they kept wanting me to rest in between pushing and I listened to non of it. Contractions where pretty much nonstop so I fell the urge to push and push and push... Fast forward a bit, believe me or not, it was loud of voices, and all talking to me directing me when to push, but this one time on June 2nd, 2015, exactly at 5:03pm I heard nothing but my baby's first cry. My heavy eyelids opened and under the spotlight I saw all of her 7 pounds and 20 inches. Looking big, pale and clean she was as they took her. I always saw how babies looked "weird and dirty" but not her! I kid you not, she was cleaned! I looked towards my partner after and he was crying so much and hugged mom, I told him to go over to her, to look at his baby, I was ok. I wasn't able to hold my baby right away, skin to skin thing. She had a minor complication at the time that needed attention so they had to do their thing. Thanks to God she was perfect and it all turned out fine. As the rest that happens with labor was happening, and no more contractions but other pain was happening, I hear nothing but my baby's cry. It was so beautiful so perfect. I kept crying. I was desperate to see her. I had no idea of what her little face looked like. At this point everyone was congratulating me because I was tough. I never gave up. I did it all naturally and that cesarean wasn't needed.
Finally, here's my partner bringing our baby over to me, I looked at her and I couldn't believe she was mine. She smelled so so good. I won't forget her newborn smell. Her little eyes. She looked like an Asian baby with her extreme almond shaped eyes. Pale skin, rosy cheeks and I couldn't believe my eyes. She was crying, I figured she was hungry so I tried to breastfeed her, but she didn't want to. I guess she just really liked it in there. Everyone held her for a little but I really couldn't hold her right. My body was trembling. I was so weak. So I just watched her from afar as everyone interact with her. Then they had to take her for a little bit and brought me a burger. The hospital was perfect and I am so happy to have been able to deliver my baby there. This one nurse, an older lady that was with me most of the labor, told me, "you are amazing." I then thanked her with my heart and told her with a broken voice, " I am so thankful of you, out of everyone you were constantly checking up on me". She felt so good to hear that and told me "eat your burger!"
Once I walked in what would be my room for the next 3 days with the help of my personal nurse she told me pointing at me these words that I won't ever forget: "You, what you did, very few people do that! You are amazing, you are strong. Not a lot of people do what you did". I had no words. I then finally felt proud of myself, my body for not failing on me. Thank God for keeping me so perfect for this moment. I asked her if it was ok for me to be this shaky and unable to walk without help, to which she replied "You just brought a human to this world!" I laughed! She was so nice. I thanked her in between our walks to the bathroom for being so nice. She said "why would I not be nice to you?!" I said, believe me, when I first came there was one mean lady who ironically was employee of the month. Unfortunately when she asked me who I didn't know her name or that she was employee of the month. That last thing was something I found out on my last day on my way out of the hospital. I saw her photo hanging. She was wearing this smile she failed to wear when she was in that little room with me. She was rude. The only bad experience but she's nothing. The food was so good at the hospital! I had the choice to ask for what I was going to have for breakfast and dinner. Then at night, my personal nurse for the day would hook me up with a sandwich, fruits and juice. She even let my guy stay with me :) I believe her name was Patty. I loved her. She was my favorite. When it was her shift I would be so happy.
On June 4, 2015 Raiden Estelle Rodriguez and I left the hospital. I was so happy and couldn't wait to get home. I was super tired too. Once home she looked so perfect in her little crib and I was scared of this new role I had taken upon. It is something no one prepares you for. It just happens. I felt like I knew very little. Luckily my partner had a lot of knowledge on how to take care of her and do things and it was him and my own maternal instinct that guided me through taking care of our baby. Which now it is a much easier job and a blessing. She's always by my side keeping me company.
She's so big now and will be three months already on September 2, 2015. No doubt she looks exactly like her daddy. She's super smart, healthy and beautiful.
*DSLR photos were taken on June 6, 2015 Excuse misspelled words I really wanted to share this. I'll review later and fix misspelled words.
Disa Chantel said on September 1, 2015 at 9:20 AM
You wrote about this so beautifully, Lydia! I've been following your blog since the days of Tumblr, and it's wonderful to see how things have changed for the better in your life. Raiden is so precious, and she looks just like her dad. Congratulations! Can't wait for more updates Xx
Lydia said on September 24, 2015 at 3:39 PM
It always means the world to me when I read these type of comments. Thank you so much for your words :) Sending you hugs!